You might have guessed what this week’s meaning experiment would be Although the advent of a new year is a simple method of organisation and the fact that one 24 hour period ends the calender year is arbitrary, it is natural for us as humans to embrace this sense of ritual and tradition.

Many of us choose to celebrate or mark the change in year with a celebration of some sort, especially as the clock chimes midnight. Even more of us will start to think about what we want this new year to represent in our lives. It seems a natural opportunity to start afresh, to live with a new sense of resolve and the possibilities that lay before us are very exciting.

So what sorts of resolutions will you be making for 2011? Will they be resolutions that you always begin your new year with? Or will you take the time to really ponder how you can make 2011 a more meaningful year?

Sure it’s important to resolve to be healthier, nicer, more productive and to enjoy life more. Yet these are everyday resolutions rather than once a year life designs.

Many blogs have been posting lists of resolutions that we can make to ensure 2011 is our best year yet. I’d love if your 2011 was your best year yet, but I’d rather that you simply felt it was more personally meaningful. I don’t necessarily believe that writing a list will bring about a more meaningful year, yet at the same time your resolutions need to be actionable and ready to implement.

Spend this week really thinking about how you can have a more meaningful year. Take time to ponder what pursuits and pastimes would make you feel that your life had developed a deeper and more meaningful existence. How can you make 2011 the best year you’ve had so far?

If you feel like sharing and you’d like an opportunity to have some accountability then I’d love you to share your thoughts and resolutions in the comments below. Inspire other readers with how you will make your 2011 more meaningful.

When you spend an extended period of time with your family as an adult, you may begin to notice that you aren’t quite acting like yourself. You may wonder to yourself how you got to be so different from your family or maybe you wonder why they have remained the same.

If you’ve always been the proverbial black sheep of the family, then you’ve always felt this way and being different from your family is a way of life. If you’ve begun to notice more recently that spending a lot of time with your family is increasinly frustrating and estranging then you are most likely feeling unsettled by this phenomenon.

The thing is, it is natural to outgrow your family, especially when you are a person who is intent and focused on your own personal growth.

If we go back in history, and not too far, it was natural for children to pursue different lives from their parents. If you think about migrant populations today, a significant motivating factor for moving the entire life of a family to a different geographical location is to provide offspring with opportunities for advancement not available in the home country. From an evolutionary perspective it makes sense that children should become further advanced than their parents.

Of course parents don’t always welcome their children breaking the mold. In many cultures parents rely on their children being there to care for them in their older age and they expect their children to maintain the family’s traditions. These sorts of customs aren’t necessarily very healthy for either the parents or children.

If you are beginning to feel unsettled and frustrated by your interactions with your family then this is likely to be caused by guilt. No doubt you feel a sense of obligation towards your parents and the effort they put into raising you. In western culture today, the immediate family has far greater significance than it used to. The nature of parenting has changed in such a way that it is more than just a part of life. Parents invest so much more into the raising of their children. This includes financial and emotional investments, but more importantly it is likely that your parents have to some degree invested the meaning of their lives into your existence. If you are even a little bit aware of this then it is likely that you feel the pressure of this imposed responsibility. Hence the guilt if you feel you are not living up to your responsibility.

When you invest a lot into your own personal growth and improvement then it is likely that you are growing and changing at a pace that your parents and siblings won’t witness nor recognise. The image they have of you is the same as the one they held of you when you last spent considerable time with them. It is likely then that they hold the image of who you were when you were a teenager or young adult as this is when you last lived with them.

it is entirely possible that because they aren’t familiar with the new you then they also don’t acknowledge that a new you even exists. If you try to present a viewpoint that comes from the person you are growing into then your family might completely ignore this new perspective or openly ridicule it. They might say things like “Where did that come from?” or “That’s not what you used to say”.

Or maybe it’s not what they’re noticing about you but rather the new way you now see them. As someone intent on change and evolution you might notice more markedly that your family have remained stagnant in their growth. You might also feel deeply frustrated and the traits of your family members may seem amplified.

The frustration stems from the fact that you have purposefully worked on developing those areas of yourself that were dysfuncational or limiting when you were younger. You can’t believe that others that you care about aren’t doing the same. The key here is that you care about your family and that’s why you are frustrated by their lack of progress in your eyes. Part of this frustration also stems from your fear that you might end up slipping back into your old ways and undo all the important work you’ve done on yourself. This understandable yet unfounded fear causes you to resist your family more fervently.

The reason their traits seem magnified is that you are more sensitive to how others function since you’ve shifted your focus to your own growth and you are thus more likely to notice those who appear to be stagnating.

So what can you do about all this?

The main thing is to observe and be aware of your behaviour and feelings. Notice when you are feeling frustrated, notice how your family is interacting with you. See what feelings arise within you.

Once you awareness is honed, be gentle with yourself. You might get snappy or revert back to older, more childish ways. These behaviours aren’t permanent.

Understand why you feel what you feel and why you are acting as you do. Taking the perspective that your behaviour and emotions actually stem from fear to some extent will enable you to focus on the fact that this is all about you, and not about your family. The key here is to see how these interactions can further your own growth. As tempting as it is to focus on what is lacking or missing in them, remember to just focus on you.

Pause before you react so that you are able to choose your behavioural response rather than go with habit or instinct. Breathe and keep your awareness around you.

Last, but not least, remember that this is not only ok to feel like you are growing away from your family, but that it is an inevitable bi-product of who you are becoming.

You might hope that you are one of the lucky ones who gets to grow side by side with their loved ones. It is far more likely that you will be the only one growing and changing in your direction and that in fact their lack of change or their growth in a different direction serves as a fuel to propel your growth even further.

I have spent countless hours this past week thinking about who I wanted to be and who I want to become. It’s a frustrating puzzle to solve! Most of my life has been spent solving problems and teaching others how to solve problems that have one answer, one solution. It is unfamiliar territory for me to face a situation in which not only is there not one answer, but of all the possible solutions none is more correct or a better fit than any other.

When I was younger I had a few phases where I was sure I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. As a 12 year old I was sure I wanted to be an archaeologist. For those who know how much I detest the outdoors (not the outdoors of the urban environment, but of the rural), this seems laughable now.

So what attracted me to want to be archaeologist? I think it was the prospect of discovery, of finding something unique and original, of contributing to knowledge. I was attracted to being part of something huge and to working with others on a project that would ultimately add a piece to the puzzle of who we are and where we came from. Although I realise now, and perhaps even back then, that this is the idealistic version of the everyday job, it is the essence of why I wanted to be an archaeologist.

Then around 15 I felt sure I was going to be a biological scientist of some kind. Realising that I was very strong at science and maths made this an easy decision. I thought this was the way I would use my talents. I was so sure that this was for me that when we were asked to answer a serious careers quiz (the results of which were designed to help us make decisions about what we would study in upper school) I answered it with this bias clearly in mind. So no real surprise that the quiz came back telling me that my top 10 careers were in science and scientific research.

Why would I want to be a biological scientist? Isn’t this significantly different from being an archaeologist? Looking back now I see there were far more similarities between the two than the differences. Again, what attracted me to this work was that while a lot of it would be conducted individually, I would still be working with other in this field. I would be researching, or discovering the previously undiscovered. I would be adding to knowledge. I would perhaps be working on medical breakthroughs. I would be doing something important.

For awhile there I also fantasized about becoming an actress. I really thought I would become an actress. Not a movie star, although I hoped eventually my talents might make me a movie star by default. This wasn’t a secret wish, I began telling people that this was my plan and that teaching maths was going to be my back up, flexible job, so that I wouldn’t have to be a waitress while I waited for the next big thing. I started looking for university courses where I could combine theatre studies with applied mathematics. You can imagine the search for this combination was difficult! After two years of this, as the due date for selecting courses drew closer, I chose a course where I could dabble in theatre studies if I wished, but where my main focus would be on my mathematics.

I can see now that this is where I parted with the “childish” side of myself and instead chose the “rational” path. Put in another way, it’s where I lost faith in my dreams and creativity and decided I had better start being serious and sensible. It’s where I began to lose me and instead follow the crowd.

Having said that, I have greatly enjoyed teaching maths. In a way teaching is acting. You do have to perform and ultimately teaching is the essence of acting. An actress communicates something with her audience. She may do so indirectly, but a great actress is able to make the audience feel that they are her, and in doing so they learn and experience what she learns. My communication is more direct, and I’m sure many students would argue that what I’m communicating isn’t in fact all that important. Yet I know for sure that I’ve had an impact on those I’ve taught, often mathematically, but more often because of how I’ve contributed to their self development.

So where does that leave me now? I’ve been able to trace common elements through thinking about all the things I wanted to be when I grew up. I know I need to feel like I’m doing something important and personally worthwhile. I know I need to work with other people and also have opportunities to work independently. I want to contribute to knowledge in a real and concrete way. I want to have a positive impact on people’s lives and feel that I’ve contributed to their development in a meaningful way.

What does this look like in a physical career format? I’m not 100% sure yet. If you happen to be able to see what direction this is all pointing to then please, I’d love you to leave a comment below! I think perhaps my next direction might be social psychology, or psychology of some kind. It will mean that I need to retrain and pursue further university studies. So maybe this whole teaching gig is the perfect flexible career to allow me to do this. I’m hoping to have a clearer picture early in the new year, but this is where I’m at right now.

Analysing and thinking about what you thought you wanted to be when you grew up might reveal more than you think about who you are and your underlying motivations. Is there a common thread through all your childhood career dreams? Is it time for you to get back on track with who you want to be?

How patient would you say you are? Or better yet, when your patience is tested how do you fare?

In the week approaching there will most likely be many opportunities for you to see how patient you can be. If you are finalising your Christmas shopping this week and dealing with the crowds you may find your patience challenged more than you would like.

Or perhaps you plan to attend the Christmas Sales early next week and you may require more patience than normal to deal with the bustling crowds.

It’s also that time of year when you tend to spend time with people that you might not normally choose to spend time with. Maybe you’re really tired after a long year of working and you’d prefer this holiday to be a time to relax rather than a time to interact. How patient will you be with those around you?

If you have children then they are likely a lot more hyperactive at the moment than usual. Do you have enough patience in your reserves for them?

This time of year can be frantic and when you are already overtired and a little stressed, your level of patience may not be what you would like it to be. This week observe your levels of patience and try these techniques to remain as calm and serene as you can.

Feel your Impatience

To improve your patience you first need to be aware of when your level of impatience is on the rise. Usually you will notice your heart begin to beat faster, there will be a tightening in your chest or stomach and you’ll feel a shortness of breath.

Breathe

Instead of snapping at a relative, swearing under your breath or beeping your horn in anger at an inconsiderate driver, take a breath first. A few deep breaths is more miraculous than you might realise.

Keep Some Perspective

When you feel yourself losing your patience, and after you’ve taken a few deep breaths, try to gain some perspective on whether it is really worth your energy. I’m sure the vast majority of the time you’ll find that it is a complete waste of your attention.

Change Your Focus

Change what you are thinking about at that moment. If you are waiting in what seems like a never ending line at the shops, think about something pleasant that you are planning to do later that day or evening. Daydream. Observe the other people in line with you. Change your focus and you’ll notice the physical symptoms dissipate straight away.

The above are a few quick things for you to experiment with and I’d love you to share any other strategies that you think you might want to try when situations becoming trying this week.

I was fairly unsuccessful this week in following my intuition about food. It’s not that I was unable to tune into my intuition, in fact I was surprised at how well I was able to do that, it was more a case of me ignoring what my intuition was telling me.

I first of all began by trying to really tune into what I would want to eat for dinner over the week. The menu I planned was exactly what I wanted to eat. While some of the meals were taken from recipes, a few of them were just things I had never cooked before but I felt that they would taste wonderful and be nutritious. These were meals with all my favourite mediterranean vegetables, a touch of chili, lots of garlic and good doses of delicious olive oil. Other meals were all about fresh and tasty salads and barbecued meats. The dishes were full of natural ingredients and no processed products. Not only did I enjoy them, my husband did too!

So you might be thinking what went wrong here? It sounds like I was off to a good start.

It’s not the nutrition content of my meals that is ever an issue (although the portion size sometimes might be), it’s what I want to eat between meals that is the problem.

During the week, between lunch and dinner, because I’ve been home and not as busy as I usually might be, I wanted to snack. Not because I was hungry, but just because I felt I would enjoy something tasty. My snack of choice was usually the Anzac biscuits from the bakery or a few biscuits to go with a cup of tea. After dinner I feel I deserve dessert of some kind, either fruit with some vanilla icecream or even a piece of cake with icecream. Again I’m not hungry, but lately this is a habit that has begun to form.

Further to the problem still is the fact that I am completely aware of what I’m doing. Usually people who have bad eating habits aren’t necessarily aware of the habits they are performing, they don’t eat they way they do consciously. Here I am, walking into the kitchen, thinking that I really don’t need to eat that Anzac, to drink some water instead, and I do it anyway.

I’ve also researched into why we feel we crave certain foods, and what’s really missing in our diets. That didn’t end up being very helpful because my diet is well balanced and I’m not really missing anything at all.

I know for me it is not a physical craving, but rather a mental craving. For many years I’ve been craving comfort in the form of food. Most people probably wouldn’t even think upon seeing me that my relationship with food is less than perfect, I try quite hard to maintain a healthy weight, but it irritates me that I have issues around eating. It is clear to me that I am far more in tune and respectful of what my mind thinks and what my emotions tell me than what my body tells me it needs. I know I have to begin to share the balance more equally among the three.

I think the best place to start if you know that your eating is more mental than physical, is to begin by retraining your habits. The last fews days I have taken to having a small bottle of water with me and drinking from that regularly so that my mouth won’t even notice when it hasn’t consumed something in hours. I also found a great article on some recent research in social psychology that has shown great results with people who imagine eating the food they wish to consume, rather than actually eating it. I’m all for the power of the mind and the change that can be created.

As I predicted, one week would be a challenging prospect for me to change my relationship with the way I eat. Yet one week of observing my actions and thoughts has given me a much better understanding of the core of my problems and I have come away with some strategies to try.

Did you find that your relationship with food and the use of your intuition could use a little work?