Category — The Universe

Something that I suppose I have always known has become more obvious to me lately. It’s been six weeks since I left a proper job behind to give myself the time and space to think about where I need to be and what I need to be doing. While I was working, the anticipation of this time coming up made me feel hopeful; hope that life would seem fresh, new and full of possibilities.

What I hadn’t bargained on was the fact that the old me would be coming along for the ride in this newly promising future.

When you imagine your future life or a future plan, chances are that you imagine a different you to go with it. I know I do. When I spend time on activities like imagining the details of a typical day in my ideal life, the me that I imagine is a wonderful person. She always looks gorgeous, is fit and healthy with great clothes, is full of energy and confident determination. She utilises her freedom and abundance of time effortlessly and enjoys the chosen busyness of her day.

If I’m truthful, she doesn’t much remind me of the me I am right now. She’s my potential.

I never saw any problem with this when I was planning and envisioning my future. I thought that once I started to create the life I wanted, the best version of myself would emerge as inevitably as a butterfly emerges from a cocoon. It seemed it would be just a matter of creating the right environment.

Six weeks into living in this environment and I realise the terribly naïve error in my thinking. The same old me is still hanging around, annoying me with her inability to relax and her constant need to analyse and think about every little thing.

I am no more confident nor energetic than I was before. My energy levels are dropping like an uncharged battery. I feel I am truly wasting this abundance of time and I feel stuck in limbo, waiting for life to take shape.

It turns out that I seem to be waiting for me to arrive and take over from the old me. But of course this will never happen.

To think about whether you can relate to this conundrum, think about the last time you went on a holiday you’d been planning for a while. Was the holiday as amazing as you’d been anticipating? Or can you honestly admit that there were many moments where your attitude was a bit “Meh.”

Now you might say that this was because you set your expectations too high. I agree, there might be an element of this. More likely though is how you expected you would be on this holiday. Didn’t you imagine yourself as being more energetic, more interesting, more interested and just generally a more wonderful person? I don’t think your apathetic attitude resulted from a less than impressive holiday experience, but rather because you were disappointed in the version of yourself that you brought on holiday.

I think this last week has helped me realise a very significant point. The life that I envision I want won’t suit the me that exists at the moment. I need to spend more time evolving who I am before I am ready for a complete transition into a new existence. The present me feels out of place and uncomfortable living the life of a more evolved and confident version of myself.

My future self is a writer. I write fiction and non-fiction. I write pithy commentaries on life and my writing moves people. Simply making the space for this to happen won’t ensure that this version of myself arrives ready to take it on. This version of myself needs to be developed and earned over time.

Whenever you find yourself thinking that if only your life was [insert the most persistent thought], take this as a cue to examine who you would need to be to make that happen. Work on being the best version of yourself within the current constraints of your life. You will then be able to create a more honest and effective vision in your external world. Show the universe who you want to be before asking for the shape of your existence to change.

I’ve adopted a new mantra lately, inspired by Joy Behar. You know, the outspoken, cheeky, vibrant Italian American from The View? She is well known for saying “So what? Who cares?” about the issues that get most people all riled up. In fact, Fred Amiston does a great parody of Joy, and her whole attitude towards the trivialities of life.

It’s also an attitude that my younger brother Paul has adopted with great finesse. He didn’t learn it from Joy, but often, when we’re talking about the trials in his life or mine, he can be heard saying “Who cares?” And of course he’s right.

How often do you get yourself worked up over something, which in the grand scheme of things, is completely insignificant?

Focussing on and becoming distracted by the trials in our life is its own vicious cycle. You begin to worry and your imagination creates all kinds of horrible scenarios. The worry builds and so on and so forth.

It’s unproductive, a total energy zapper and completely unhelpful to you becoming a balanced and complete version of yourself.

These types of thoughts can run rampant if left unchecked, and often they have simply become a habit, rather than a choice. What you need is a circuit breaker. Something to snap you out of your imbalanced perceptions.

What works for me is the simple phrase: “So what? Who cares?”. I even try to say it to myself with Joy’s Brooklyn accent, as challenging as that is. Said once, this phrase stops the flow of my thoughts and makes me smile as I think of Fred impersonating Joy.

Said repeatedly, and the truth of the message begins to sink in.

Didn’t get the job you wanted? So what? Seriously, does that truly matter to the overall reality of your existence?

Not where you wanted to be by this age? Haven’t achieved as much as you planned to? Who cares? Nobody, only you. You’re also the only one who can do anything about it.

Have you been dieting but the progress is painfully slow? So what, who cares?

In the grand scheme of things, you are a tiny dot on an even more insignificant planet. Who’s noticing what you are or aren’t doing? No one. Just you. Who cares if you’re the person you think you should be? No one. Just you.

How significant are the trials in your life? Are they anything more than a miniscule blip on the fabric of the cosmos?

Let go of all your insignificant concerns and turn your attention towards the amazing possibilities and the profound awe that is due your very existence.

You’re so busy fussing over your small patch of dirt that you haven’t realised there’s a whole wondrous world right behind you.

Really, no one but you cares about what’s happening in your life. Not truly. This being the case, why would you bother to worry about the small and the mundane? Sure, some attention might need to be paid to sorting out the practicalities of your life. But any extra energy expended on these areas is a waste.

Try a little tough love on yourself. When you find yourself worrying over something or getting riled up about an issue, ask yourself “So what, who cares?”

Then admit that you owe yourself so much more than this pointless waste of energy. You deserve to be delighted, inspired, peaceful and energised.

Who cares? I care. I care that you make the effort to expend your energy in a way that is meaningful, in a way that counts.

If you have any hints, tips, thoughts or musings, please share

Have you ever found yourself aimlessly searching the internet, looking for something to spark your interest?

Maybe you’ve found yourself shopping, hoping to find that perfect new piece of clothing? You wander through numerous shops, examining the clothes with your eyes and your touch. You may even hold up the item of clothing against you, gazing into the mirror, wondering if this is really “you”.

Perhaps instead you shop online, searching for a new gadget or a new toy to add to your collection. You think about how this new item will suspend your boredom and enhance your life.

If you are not in a relationship, and you want to be, have you been spending time, maybe years, looking through online dating sites, looking for that person with the special spark? Or have you been out dating in the real world, yet not taking it past just a couple of dates?

Maybe you are constantly searching for that new job, that new perfect career path or perfect employment opportunity?

We’re all searching to some extent. And we are all searching for the exact same thing.

Ourselves.

Think about it for a moment. When you are out there searching for something external to yourself, what experience are you really after? Is it really all about those perfect new shoes? Is it possible that you’ll find the perfect new man or woman for a happy-ever-after relationship? Is there such a thing as the perfect career?

I think if you are honest with yourself then you’ll answer “no” to each of these questions.

Instead, you are looking for a more complete and fulfilled version of yourself. You are searching for that magical vial, the antidote that will fill you up and lead you to a life of deep meaning.

That line from Jerry Maguire, “You complete me.” is a lie. No person, no object, no situation can complete you. Nothing external to yourself can complete you.

Working towards a more meaningful and fulfilling existence requires you to experiment with your life and to grow in consciousness of who you are. You need awareness of your motivations and true desires and you need the courage to follow your own path. You don’t need stuff.

The other day Mariyam, a reader of The Meaning Experiment, left a comment that not only touched me deeply, but also inspired me to write this post. Here is some of what she said:

“I cannot explain how meaningful your posts are to me. Before I read this blog I would say things like: oh that’s just life. I would constantly search things on the internet to look for something I didn’t even realize I was looking for, a piece of myself. “

Upon reading Mariyam’s comment I realised something about myself and my writing that had never occurred to me before. I am ever so grateful that she took the time to leave her comment.

I started writing The Meaning Experiment because I felt exactly the same as Mariyam.

I had been out there searching for something that doesn’t exist. Sometimes I still am. The difference is now I know there is no deeper meaning to be found. The only thing you can discover is what is meaningful to you and you do this by getting to know who you are and by finding the pieces of yourself.

This is what The Meaning Experiment is all about. I write it so that you and I can stop searching for something out there, and instead find all the sustenance and fulfilment we will ever need, in here.

If you feel the urge to search for meaning outside of yourself just remember that every time you follow that urge you are in effect moving further away from yourself. This is of course the complete opposite of your true desire.

So instead, when you feel the urge to seek a fix for the feeling of emptiness, or the feeling that something is missing, turn inwards. Ask yourself, “What do I really need to fulfil me right now? What can I do now that is deeply meaningful to me and will help me move closer to the most authentic version of myself?”

Feel the answer with your intuition and move towards the real you.

Do you remember that Baz Lurhmann song, “Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)” that came out in the late 90s? If you’ve never heard it or need a reminder, take a listen on Youtube. Every time I listen, it stops me in my tracks and I feel mesmerised by the lyrics.

Basically it is a song written as an address to a leaving class of college students, and as such it is all about advice.

Here are some of my favourite lines of advice:

“In 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you”

“Know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubblegum”

“Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.”

The most valuable and useful advice (as admitted by the vocalist) is to wear sunscreen. That sunscreen is the only true piece of wisdom he has to offer.

So what is this? Is this really a post all about sunscreen? As big a fan as I am of sunscreen (and with my fair complexion I would never walk outside without some on my face), no, this isn’t all about sunscreen.

It’s about advice. And how we are all a little too reliant on steering our lives according to the advice we are given. Or the advice we ask for.

And that of course, is also the point of the whole song and it’s lyrics. In the background of the spoken advice is the tune to “Everybody’s Free”. That’s no coincidence.

It is crucial to keep an ever present reminder at the forefront of our minds that we are free to live the life we choose. It is so easy to forget or lose track of. It needs to be like an ever present post-it note. No matter what advice is streaming through our lives from our partners, family, friends, strangers and the media, no one can tell you how it is best for you to live your life.

Sure, maybe you don’t even know the answer yourself. But there’s no point in asking other people, they have even less of a chance of being able to figure it out for you.

It’s up to you to take chances, to experiment, to delve and dive into unknown territories and in the whole process discover the depth of who you are.

If your life, like the lives of so many, looks and feels like it was shaped by advice handed down from generation to generation, and it’s starting to make you feel uneasy, then you have to break away.

Maybe you don’t know how it will work. More likely you’re scared that you won’t find anything, that there’s not as much to you as you imagined. Chances are you’ll find much, much more.

The next piece of advice you hear, thank the person and then immediately ask yourself whether it fits who you are. If it doesn’t discard it immediately and move on.

But I think we’d all be wise to follow the advice about the sunscreen.

What did you think of all those stories over the weekend of the people awaiting the rapture? While I found the jokes and tweets going around humorous, the fact that people actually bought into the whole notion left me feeling more than a bit disturbed and hopeless.

Imagine all these people simply waiting around for the life they truly want. No need to live to your potential. No need to set and achieve goal. No need to grow in consciousness, since simply believing in Jesus will mean you will be swept away to a magical world. Sure it’s not that simple, but it’s close to the truth.

Thinking about how these people stop their lives and sit passively, waiting for a better life (in their case an eternal life in heaven) left me wondering how different they really are to the rest of us. Sure, this particular scenario is way off into the extreme, but the essence of the issue is the same.

Now I don’t know anyone who actually believed the rapture would happen, so I can only guess at their motivations in believing such an outlandish idea. I’m sure part of it stems from a desperate hope to live a better life than their current one, and to be chosen for a special existence without really having to do anything very much to be granted the privilege. Another deeper part has to do with the desperation to make life meaningful and purposeful, to assign some reason to all of this.

Being raptured is the lazy man’s solution to living the life you want.

Perhaps you aren’t waiting around for the rapture to take you off to a better life, but you have placed similar obstacles and excuses in place to prevent you from demanding too much from yourself.

A common example is when you hear people say that once they win the lotto they’ll have the life that they want. Is this so dissimilar from waiting for the rapture? Sure your chances are higher with lotto, but it’s a similar concept. Waiting for something to happen that you have no control over or for something that has a tiny probability of happening is no way forward towards your dreams.

Becoming despondent about the lack of meaning in your life and then swallowing it all away with another piece of cake or another TV episode is also a cop out. Waiting for meaning to strike you where you stand rather than pursuing it consciously and with determination, is like waiting for a bus where there is no bus stop.

Many more people are waiting around for the people in their lives to change so that they themselves can have the life they want. Expecting people to change who they are simply because you wish for it to be true or that you think it is the inevitable result of time passing, is a huge waste of your time. People are who they want to be and they are only open to being conscious to a level at which they feel comfortable. Hoping for any more than this so that your life can be different will leave you feeling disappointed at best.

Others are waiting for the right time, the right moment to change their lives. They reason that when they have $x, and their children are of a certain age, and when it’s a particular time of year and when the stars are in alignment, then they will make the changes they so keenly desire. And yet of course, there will never be a perfect moment where everything is just so, and where instigating major change won’t disrupt your life or those of the people around you.

Plenty of others are waiting for some small miracle to occur that will set them free from the difficult task of changing their own lives. I know because I often fantasize about just such a scenario. The strange thing is, that the more that I hope for a way out of doing the hard work myself, the more challenging the barriers become and the more desperate my need to break away.

What are you waiting for? What have you decided must happen before you are ready to make the changes to live the life you want?

Can you really afford the same amount of irrationality and empty hope employed by those awaiting the rapture? Can you really let yourself live this way?

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